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1 I • too Ne`` F 1 IIE HASTINGSG-1 A r zErf VOL. L. ---NO. 35. HASTINGS. {INN.. SATUR1)1Y. MAY 23, ,1908. WHEN BATHS WERE RARE. The Time When a Dandy Washed His Face Nearly Every Day. It will come as a shock to some read- ers to learn that one of the most seri- ons occupations of a fifteenth century wife was to protect her husband from fleas! Taking Into consideration, however, the horror with which the people of those days regarded cold water and clean clothes, It is not surprising to learn that the question of exterminat- ing these insects made life a burden. Cleanliness was not only looked upon es a dangerous custom, but a positive sin. The soul alone was regarded as of any importance, so that the neglect of the body became so much a virtue that a bath was only allowed in cases of illness. At any rate. water had uo place in the toilet of the grand mo- narque. His valet after pouring a flask containing spirits of wine over the hands of his tnajesty passed a comb through his hair, thus completing his toilet for the day. In the seventeenth century, however, cleanliness was carried to such an ex- cess that an English dandy was ex- pected to wash his face "nearly every day." So rapidly dld the custom spread that it was necessary to issue a solemn warning that the practice of using wa- ter for this purpose "Injures the eye- sight, engenders toothache and catarrh, renders the complexion colorless and makes the skin susceptible to cold in the winter and heat in the summer." Washing seems to have been more popular in the eighteenth century in France than in England, this in spite of the fact that water was forbidden in the fortner country. A lost art, according to M. Franklin in "La Civilite du XIII. au XIX, Ste- ele." is that of blowing one's nose. To- day it is a more or less perfunctory necessity, but In the seventeenth cen- tury it was an accomplishment One person imitated the blast of a trumpet, another the swearing of a cat. Possi- bly snuff taking, which was the fash- ionable habit of that day, had some- thing to do with its accomplishments, perfection In which consisted in mak- ing "neither too much nor too little noise." Another noteworthy fact on the eti- quette of those days is that nobody ever knocked at the door. The correct thing was to scratch softly with the nail of the finger, which the dandies of the day kept extremely long. Eti- quette was so right, in fact, that it is said that the Duchesse de Montpensler spent a quarter of her life in mental torture as to whether different indi- viduals admitted to her presence were entitled to sit on chairs with backs or only on stools. A Tart Answer. A. young and newly married couple were entertaining their friends, and among the guests was one whose con- tinued rudeness made him extremely objectionable to the rest of the com- pany. His conduct, although most un- bearable, was put up with for some time until at supper he held up on his fork a piece of tneat which had been served to [tint, and in a vein of intend- ed humor he looked round and re- marked: "Is this pig?" This immediately drew forth the re- mark from a quiet looking Individual sitting at the other end of the table: "Which end of the fork do you refer to?"—London Graphic. The Deacon and the Prayer. "I didn't like your prayer very much this morning," said a fault finding dea- con to his minister. "What was wrong with it?" "Well, In the first place it was too long. and then I thought it contained two or three expressions that were un- warranted." "I am very sorry it meets with your disapproval, deacon," the good mnn re- sponded, "but you must bear in mind that the prayer was not addressed to you." Fairies. The masses of Greeks and Romans and the rank and file of people thronghout the middle ages thoroughly believed In fairies, gnomes, etc. The child has no doubt about the existence of Santa Claus, Jack Frost and a lot of other strange personages, and when the mind of the race was in its child- hood state men were prepared to be as foolish In their beliefs as the little children are in all ages.—New York American. Didn't Bother Him. Railway Director—We have divided up the work so that each of the di- rectors has a fair share to do. Eng- ' gins is secretary, 1 ant treasurer, and Spriggs is— Griggs—Why, Spriggs is so deaf that he cau't hear thunder. What does he do? Railway director— Oh, he listens to all the complaints!— London Mall A Triumph of Science. "I have been taking some moving pictures of life on your farm." "Did you ketch the hired man in motion?" "I think so." "Ah, science kin do anything these days!"—Loutsville Courier -Journal. A Popular Act. Mr. Grumpus—Here, dear, is $10, and It has bothered me a little to get it for you. I think I deserve a little applause. Mrs. G.—Applause? Yon deserve an encore, my dear.—Pathfinder. A Cult. "Pa, what's a cult?" "A craze in its Infancy."—Chicago Record -Herald. Complies with pure food lawS Of every state CALVET BAKING POWDER HEALTHCalumet is made ot tbe finest materials pos- sible to selectand makes light. easily digested Bread, Siamdts or Pastry; thcref c. 11 1, recom- mended by leading physicians and chemists. 'ECONOMY In using Calmest you are &ware eszurelec:f, a Fnoni.Lit.ritnerti:4,etherefore,c.i .FTetch icsrepu t .npoin carnasi:inglt 9woiwIlekt: inagnY than any .0,', Baking Powder on the market and has more ‚a' stgSV'J CALUMET tiznse°,1nrur.,.."7"dle:i the neutrahzation f the Ingredients Is absolutely perfect. Theretore,Calumtt leavesno Rochelle Salts or Mem In the food. It is chemically corset. $1,000.00 given for any substance In- jurious to health found In Calumet CIGARETTES AND TEA. A Part of the Routine of Every Russian Business House. "You forget," 1 observed, "that Rus- sia Is the original home and habitat of the cigarette," says the Odessa corre- spondent of the London Standard. "The little paper tube of tobacco was, so to say, a national institution among the Russians, gentle and simple, long before It was seen between the lips of the Englishman and Frenchman." My friend, a British merchant, on his first visit to Russia, was being in- troduced to a local banking house. As the cashier momentarily laid aside his cigarette In .a convenient ash tray to attend to us my visitor looked amazed- ly around the spacious room, where here and there among the staff of six- ty clerks he saw the curling bine smoke of many cigarettes. The cash- ier proffered his cigarette case. "Well, do you know," said my friend, "it is not by any means our notion of business, and yet somehow It looks homely and agreeable, and none of these fellows appears to be lazing or shirking." Then came a further surprise for my companion. A neatly dressed waitress emerging from some lower region was passing behind the chief counter bearing a large tray on which were some ten or twelve glasses of tea, with the usual small dish of sliced lemon and silver fork, The tea was first distributed to the senior clerks in the various departments, and the waitress returned for further sup- plies for the rest of the staff. ' "Also a Russian institution?" smil- ingly queried the London merchant "Exactly," I replied, "and the tea Is of the finest quality." From the bank we drove to the postoffice and telegraph station. In these plt.ces it is forbidden to the pub- lic to smoke, but behind the counters In every department the cigarette and tea were just as much in evidence as they were at the bank. The tea is al- ways supplied by the establishment, whatever it may be. The cigarettes the officials and clerks find them- selves. OUR FIRST PATENT. FOUGHT UNDER WATER. Last of the Spanish Fleet at the Bat- tle of Manila Bay. -What was It Ilke, that battle of Ma- nila Bay, do you Itsli?" The thunders of heaven would have been lost In its dln. It was fierce and fast, like the rolling of all the drums in the world or like bolts of heavy sail- cloth torn into shreds by the wind. What a picture it would make—that battle, the last of the Spanish fleet, the Don Antonio de Ciba. She fought, sinking a foot a minute! Gun after gun went under, affd when the last onset was made only her bow gun re- mained. Its crew, waist deep in water, fought as though victory was crown - Ing then]. It was theirs to fire the last gun upon that eventful day, and we cheered them as they sank. These are the things men will write about, but memory alone can paint a picture so terrible that the moon, that old night watch of the universe, hid behind friendly vapors that she might not see the embers of war as they glared through the portholes and spoil - sons of half sunken ships, while ever and anon exploding magazines would, tear the waters, and flames of yellow and red flaunt above all that was left of SpaIn's wreckage. Surely Wallington was a Solomon when he wrote, "Nothing except a bat- tle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won."—St, Nicholas. AN AFRICAN RESCUE. Saved From a Great Army of Ravebous Driver Ants. In her "West African Studies" Mtss Kingsley tells this story about the fa- mous "driver" ants: "I was In a little village, and out of a but came the owner and his family and all the household parasites pellmell, leaving the drivers in possession, but the mother and father of the family, when they recovered from this unwonted burst of activity, showed such a lively concern and such unmistakable slams of anguish at having left something behind them In the hut that I thought , it must be the baby. 'In him far cor- ner for floorr shrieked tbe distracted parents, and into that -but I charged. 'Too true! There in the corner lay the poor little thing, a mere Inert black mass, with hundreds of cruel drivers already swarmiag upon it. Tv seize it and give it to the distracted mother was, as the reporter would ray, `the work of an instant' She gave a cry of Joy and droppedit instantly into a water barrel, where her - hus- band held it down with a hoe, elute- kling contentedly. Shiver not.my friend, at the callousness, of the Ethiopian. That there thing wasn't an infant, It was a ham!" Granted at Boston In 1648 and Was Called a Monopoly. To the general coda of Massachu- setts belongs the honor of granting the first American patent. This was In 1648 and was then designated as a monopoly. It was confined, to the re- gion controlled by Massachusetts, and the one issue apparently included all the invention of the inventor connect- ed with engines that depended upon water for their motive power. The limit of the monopoly was fourteen years, and the court not only retained power to forbid exportation, but to prevent exorbitant charges upon the public for their use. The patent was issued In this form: "Jenkes Monopolye.—At a general' Courte at Boston the 6th of the 8th Mo 1048. The cor't consid'inge ye ne- cessity of raising such manifactures of engin of mils to go by water for speedy dispatch of much worke with few hands, and being sufficiently in- formed of ye ability of ye petition to peforme such workes grant his peti- tion (yet no Othr per sen shall set up or use any such new Invention, or trade for fourteen yearea without ye license of him the said Joseph Jenkee) so farr as concernes any 'such new in- vention, & so it shall be alwayes in ye powr of this co'te to restrain ye ex- portation of such manufactures & ye prizes of them to moderation if occa- sion so require." This inventor, Joseph Jenkes, or Jenks, as it would now be spelled, came from Hammersmith, England, settled in Lyuu in 1643 and died in 1682-3, aged eighty-one. He was a blacksmith and machinist, made the dies for the coining of the "Pine Tree" money and built the first fire engine in this country, altogether a man of great inventive genius and the ancestor of a large number of descend- ants. One of his sons removed to Rhode Island, where he built several mills. A Poor Corner. When a girl puts a man off by say - Ing she will keep a little place In n corner of her heart for him be may be sure that it Is a corner for which she doesn't expect to have much use.—Chl- cago Record -Herald. Some Epigrams. Tom Hood cast epigrams at himself in the face of death. His wife was preparing a large mustard plaster to apply to his shrunken chest. "My dear," said Hood, "that's a terrible lot of mustard for a small piece of beef." Sir Walter Raleigh expressed him- self in a similar mood after he mount- ed the scaffold. Peeling the edge of the ax, he said to the executioner, "This is a sharp medichle, but it Is a cure for all diseases." An Italian nobleman, probably be- guiled by patent medicine advertiee- meats, left this inscription for his gravestone: "I was well, wanted to be better, took physic and died." Charlet) Knight suggested that "Good Knight" would be sufficient for bis memorial tablet, A brother Scot who did not sympa- tithe with his peccadillos in life, when asked to suggest an•appropriate epi- taph for Scotland's national poet, said, "His ain name's enough—Robert Burns."—Boston Poet Practical Sympathy. A gentleman was one day relating to a Quaker a tale of deep distress and concluded by saying: "I could not but feel for him." "Verily, friend," replied the Quaker, "thou dldst right in that thou Met feel for thy neighbor, but didst thou feel in the right place? Didet thou feel tu thy pocket?" Terrifying. "Work .never hurts anybody," said the lndustrious man. "No," answered Plodding Pete, "but It's most as bad to 1* scared u hurt." —Washington Star. MINNESOTA HISTORICAL SOCIETY, es per Year to Advaace. • A KINGS' CARRIAGE. Old Fashioned and Elaborate Vehicle Used In fingland. England's State carriage is one of the most costly and splindid In the world. It was built In 170 at a cost of $36.- 000 on the occasion of the marriage of George III. and has ever since carried tbe English kings and queens on all high state occasions. Sir William Chambers designed the vehicle, which weighs four tons. Despite its many years' service Rs great wheels, gear and body are said to be as sound ns when built, and it looks as if it would go on forever. Steel springs were unknown when the coach was built and Its ponderous yet dainty, luxurious body la suspeuded on leather braces, not unlike those or the old Concord athgecoeclies of America Its balance Is so perfect that a touch of the tinWlnough to set the body swingirura- the big creaking straps which brace the carved and gilded tri- tons supporting the driver's seat and hammer cloth The length of the ve- hicle la twenty-four feet, and it is twelve feet high. The elaborate carvings cost more than the carriage proper, the conch builder's bill having been less than *9,000. while that of the carver was more than $10,000. Something of the character of the ornamentation may be guessed frorn the fact that the artist Cipriani received $1,500 for painting the panels and that the late maker's charge was about $4.000, the crimson satin interior of the carriage being most elaborately upoistered. The preparation of tho royal equipage for state occasions le a real sight. Six pairs of milk white horses from the royal stud are always need, and all wear false tails. 'rhe coachman, in powder and curls, mounts his seat with the aid of a ladder, but does not really drive, postilions on the horses and state grooms who walk beside them being in command of the team.—Philadelplala Pres& YOUNG COCOANUTS. The Trick of Opening Them as Prac- ticed by the Tahitians. "Husking a cocoanut is one of the simplest looking operations In the world, but I have not seen the white matt who could do It effectively," writes Beatrice Grimshaw in her book, "In the Strange South Seas," Every native of Tahiti Is apparently born with the trick. A stick is sharply pointed at both ends, and-ene endli, firmly set in the ground. The nut IiPthen taken in the hands and struck with a hitting and tearing movement combined on the point of the stick, so as to split the thick, Intensely tough covering of dense coir fiber that protects the nut. The nut comes forth white as ivory, about the same shape and size as the brown old nuts that go by ship to England and America, but much younger and more tender, for only the smallest of the old nine, which are not wanted In the islands for copra mak- ing, are generally exported A large knife Is used to crack the top of the nut all around, like an egg- shell, and the drink Is ready, a draft of pure water, slightly sweet and just a little aerated, It' the nut has been plucked at the right stage. There Is no pleasanter or more re- freebing draft In the world, and it has not the least Ilkenms to the "milk" contained In the cocoanuts of com- merce. No native would drink from Old nets for fear of illness, as they are considered both unpleasant and unwholesome. Only the milk of half grown nuts is used for drinking, and even these will sometimes bold a cali- ph) of pints of liquid. The water of the young cocoanut is food and driuk In one, having much nourishing matter held In solution. On many a long day of hot and weary travel 1 had cause to bless the re- freshing and restoring powers of heav- en's best gift to man in the tropics, the never failing cocoanut Settled the Ownership. "There was a quaint old judge who used to live in the Pine Tree State," said a lawyer. "One of his decisions gained him the title of the 'Maine Solo- mon.' Two women came before this magistrate with a fine, fat pullet, each declaring that it belonged to herself. The magistrate from his high seat frowned heavily at the first woman. 'Does this pullet belong to Mrs. Jones? be asked her. 'No, indeed, It don't, sir,' she replied. Then he turned to the other woman. 'Does this pullet beloug to Mn, Smith? 'It certainly does not.' the second woman replied. " The pullet,' the magistrate then de- creed, 'does not belong to Mrs. Jones, nor does It belong to Mrs. Smith. The pullet Is mine. Janitor, take it round to the house and give it to my cook.'" A Great Change. Firgt Gentleman (entering the apart- ment of second gentleman)—About a year ago you challenged me to fight a duel. Second Gentleman (sternly) --1 did, air. First Gentleman—And I told you that I had just got married and I did not care to risk my life at any hasard. Second Gentleman (haughtily) —I remember, sir. First Gentleman (bittarly)—Well, my feelings have chanimd. Any time you want to fight let me know.—Human Life. Beneficial Exercise. "Are you taking any exercise for your health?' asked the wolf of the fox. "Oh. yes, ' responded the latter, "and I am improving rapidly! I am taking part in an amateur country club fox hent."—Baltimore A.merican. 01=1111.111.11101112' 1 Economizes the use of flour, but- ter and eggs; makes the biscuit, cake and pastry more appetiz- ing, nutritious and wholesome. 0 0 1 ABSOLUTELY PURE This is the only baking powder made from Royal Grape Cream of Tartar. It Has No Substitute Then are Alum and Phosphate ot time mixtures sold at a lower price, but no housekeeper regarding the beeltb el bar Molly can afford to use them. =11111 <4> MAYFLOWE:i TEAPOTS. A Warring That Msy Prove of Value to Reno Hunters. It may be mooted that no lineal de- scendent of the pilgrims would and no other person foolishly should ever claim to have or to have seen a teapot that had come over on the Mayflower. Whatever other articles in whatever number may be treasured as parts ot the sacred cargo that was landed at Plymouth rock In 1020, relic hunters may rest in the assurance that no rival owns a teapot of Mayflower descent. The explanation is simple. When tho Mayflower sailed for America an ounce of tea was xare enough to have made up a fitting gift for royalty. Yet forty years later the wealthy and fashion- able people of England were fairly fa - miller with tea which the East India company had first brought into the country, and four years Inter It was on sale in the coffee bungee, at which time a pound might tarpurchased for the moderate sum of 00 Millings. Only twenty -that years Inter tea was on sale In Boston, end soon after there were two ten houses besides those kept by Mule) Vernon and Benjamin Har- ris. In the first decade of the eight- eenth century It could he bought from Zabdill Bolton at his apothecary shop. Today the coffee houses of a hundred years ago in London are In reality tea houses. In England were made the first teapots of pottery. Later the most delicate creations In porcelain ap- peared, but as tea became popular the art of the teapot milker was less ex- clusively refined.—Boston Globe. DARING BELL RINGERS. Pranks of the Athletic Young Span- iards of Seville. There Is a curious custom among the young Spaniards of the city of Seville. On certain fete days, minted a tourist, the young men of the place have per- mission to ring the bells In the clock towers of the cathedral. They have nn ingenious and original way of ringing them. While the regular bell ringers repose these amateurs climb up on to the bells, throw them forwnrd with all their force and ride upon the bells in their furious swinging to and fro. We may imagine what an uproar is pro- duced when all the bells of 0/cathedral are being treated in this manner. Any man who is able may exercise his skill, and the duration of the ringing de- pends upon the caprice or the strength and patience of the ringers. The spectacle is very strange of the great bells swinging, with one, two or more bold ringers hanging from them in any attitude which seems to them best adapted to pushing out the most noise. In the Giralda, at Seville, the first time I witnessed this, the clamor was frightful. When I looked up I thought at first some unfortunate was entangled in the hell rope, but I soon found it was a matter of sport. An- other ringer appeared suspended in the air, holding the bell by the ears or the rim or the wooden framework and fol- lowing it in all its movements, some- times feet, sometimes head. downward. Such are the daring bell ringers of Se- ville. Kilts as Targets. Admiral Lanabton at a certain high- land society dinner told the following tale: When the Gordon highlanders were in Ladysmith the order came tbat officers were net to weer their words. This order was soon supplemented by another, by whkh all highland regi- ments were commanded to cover their kilts up, as it was thought that they served too well as targets for tho ene- my. Sir George White knew that such an order would not be popular. At last he thought of a way out of the diM- culty. "Let them corer the fronts of the kilts up," be said. "The eaemy will never see the other side."—Londos Opinion. BASEBALL UMPIRES. 1 Kicking on Their Decisions Is as Old as the Game. Much has been said and written about the habit that ball players have. and apparently cannot break them- selves of entirely, of disputing deci- along of the umpire. The practice dates back for many years. As far back as 1860 In an account of a game between the famous Atlantics of Brooklyn and the Excelsiors there appeared the fol- lowing: 'We hope to see the boys' play of dis- puting over the decision of umpires en- tirely done away with." Many -years have passed since that was written, and the players still dis- pute what In sotne quarters It Is ar- gued should be the sacred decisions of the judges of play. Nowadays the best umpires in the game make allowance for the state of mind a player Is In while engaged In a close contest. The following extract is from a New York paper printed In 1807: "Kelly says that Peek's dummy bas created quite an excitement on Ann street. Dm -seed in a full baseball rig. he looks quite natty. Scofield of the Haymakers did think about bringing the figure over to the Union grounds to act as umpire in the Haymakers- Eckford game yesterday, but a young man named Monell was found who an- awered nearly as well."—New York Tribune. MEPHISTO'S RING. A Jewel That Bears a Deadly Reputa- tion In Spain. - It seed's strange to read in these days of a ring which is believed t have .an evil iufluence over its owner and which Is known as "Mephieto's ring" Yet such a ring exists and until re- cent years was In possession of the Spanish royal family. The ring is set vsith, a very large emerald, in the cot- ter of which is inserted a ruby. It is first heard of in the sixteenth century, since when tho kings who owned it have suffered disasters uniku- ited, while the whole country has grad- ually sunk from its former eminent po sition. When the late libmano-Americau war broke out the ring WM) presented to a church. The sacred building short- ly after was destroyed by fire. The next resting place of the ring was a museum, which was twice struck by lightning while holding the 111 omened jewel. The fatal ring has now, it le said, been packed bn a strong box and se- curely burled. It remains to be seen whether this will finally put an end to its "mystic" power. — Pearson's Weekly. They Must Bs Hardy. An official of the department of agal culture referred at a dinner in Wash• ington to the amateur florists who spring tip In the suburbs every spring by thousands. "More florists perhaps than flowers spring up," he said. "In a seed shop one day I heard one of these amateurs complain about the bet batch of seeds be had bought. Aft- er be had ended his complaint he be - gen to ask floral questions. " 'Oh, by the way,' he said, 'what is a hardy rose? "'It is one,' growled the dialer, 'that doesn't mind your wife pulling it up by the roots every day to see if It has " ), begun to grow yet.' WANTED THEIR GOATS. ACu:i•:cia Adventure Among the Na- tives cf Africa. Mrs, Constance l.arywore, author of "A Resident's Wife In Nigeria," re- count* this curioue adventure in Afri- ea: '"rhe sahib. us from ineradicable Indian habit 1 still commonly call my husband, had ;roue out at sunset after deer. and during Ills absence the entire population of the village came stream- ing up the hill to the rest house, all talking lewdly and at once and evident- ly under the influence of strong excite- ment. 1 was by that time well accus- tomed to creating a Sensation when- ever I appeared. no white woman hav- ing beeu seen previously, but these people struck Inc as having more than sato/Mons In their minds and on their clamoring tongues. 1 had been six weeks In the country. My knowledge of Hausa was confined to salutations and a few simple words, so I summoned our Interpreter to help me to entertain my visitors. "They chattered. shouted and gestic- ulated at Paul. who eventually explain- ed to me smilingly that they had never seen a white woman before and were anxious to offer me a personal wel- come. 1 nodded and smiled In high gratification, tbarked them cordially and when I had exhausted my small stock of polite salutations told the in- terpreter to give them leave to go home. This they did, somewhat re- luctantly. I thought, but after describ- ing the...Interview with some atnese- ment to the sahib I dismissed the mat- ter front my mind. "Six weeks later we passed through LUkpa again on our way back to Loko- ja and found It deserted—not a man, woman or child, not a goat, not a fowl —all gone, obviously fled into the bush. I felt distinctly hurt at this churlish behavior on the pnrt of my late admir- ers and learned long afterward that on our first visit our precious interpreter and others of our party had seized and killed every goat and fowl in the vil- lage. The wretched owners had rush- ed up to the rest house to complain, and all they got was 'Thank your "I tun not ashamed to confess that I cried when I mkde that discovery. The lesson, however, went home to us both and drove us to work ceaselessly at the Hausa language, knowing there could be no security for ourselves or justice for the people until we could be independent of dishonest interpret*. tion." AN INDIAN ATTACK. One In Which Custer and a New York Broker Were Mixed Up. Charles Osborn, a New York broker, and General Custer were intimate friends, and Osborn annually visited the general at his camp on the plains. During one of the Indian campaigns he invited Osborn and a party of friends to Kansai and after giving them a buffalo hunt arranged a novel experience In the way of an Indian scare. As Osborn was lying bn his tent one night firing was beard at the out- posts and the rapid riding of pickets. "Boots and saddles!" was the order in the disturbed atmosphere of the night, and Custer appeared to Osborn loaded with rifle, two revolvers, a saber and a scalping knife. "Charles," he said in his quick, nerv- ous wny, "you must defend yourself. Sitting Bull and Ilea In Your Boots, With Wiggle Tall Jim and Scalp Lock Skowbehan, are on us in force, I did not want to alarm you before, but the safety of my command is my first duty. Things look serious. If we don't meet again, God bless you!" The broker fell OD his knees. "Cus- ter," he cried, "only get me out of this! I'll carry a million shares of Western Union for you and let you into the firm to get me home! Only save me!" But Custer was gone, and the camp by shrewd arrangement burst into a blaze, and idiots, oaths and warwhoops were intermixed until suddenly a paint- ed object loomed on Osborn's sight and somethiug was fiung into his face —a human scalp. He dropped to the ground rind said the Lord's Prayer backward and sideways until the noise died away and there was exposed a lighted supper table with this explana- tion on a transparency: "Osborn's Treat!" A Strong Maid. A cooking expert tells this story: "Only the other night, dining with ome friends of mine, I saw a maid en drop d break a superb platter that contained two roast canvasback ducks. Our host did not permit this accident to ruffle him. While we waited for some other course to be substituted for the lust one be said: "Ton must excuse that maid. These accidents happen al- most daily with ber. I think it is a disease. She was, I believe, a dairy- maid origthally, but she had to aban- don that occupation on account of her inability to handle the cows without breaking their horns.'" Beware the French "Tabac." A suggestion: If you ere c smoker and are going to tour France take your own tobacco and pipe or cigars, for no American can smoke the "tabac" sold tit Frnnce. Cigars are unobtainable 0 utaide the large cities, and the -smok- ing tobacco is of international quality— ou smoke it In one country and smell t in another.—Outing Magazine. Capital. "Let me illustrate the difference be- tween capital and labor," said the rich uncle to the impecunious nephew. 'Suppose I give you CZ"— "That's capital." replied the nephew, extending his band for the money.— London Telegraph. • . — — The Hustler. "Do you believe that alt things come to him who waits?" "They may start for him, but usu- ally some man who hustles overtakes them before they get to the man who Waita."—Ilouston Post,