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VOL. L. ---NO. 39. HASTIN GS GAZETTE. HASTINGS. MINN.. SATURDAY. JUNE 20, 1908. MINNESOTA HISTORICAL SOCIETY, Olt per Year In Moaner. A STOGY or HEROISM Showing How Brave Men Can Calmly Meet Death. WRECK OF THE BIRKENHEAD. The Way This British Vessel Went Down Off the Cape of Good Hope. Most of the Crew Were Lost and All the Women and Children Saved. Visitors to the hospital of the old pensioners at Chelsea will perhaps have noticed in the colonnade a simple me- morial tablet, placed there by order of the late Queen Victoria to record the heroic constancy and discipline of the officers and soldiers who lost their lives in the wreck of the transport Bir- kenhead off the Cape of Good Hope on Feb. 26, 1652. On Jan. 7 in that year, aft- er embarking re -enforcements amount- ing to fifteen officers and 476 men for the troops engaged in the Kaffir war, the Birkenhead left Ireland for the cape. On board were also 166 women and children, the wives and families of soldiers. All went well till the tranapoit reached Simon's Town, where ten officers and eighteen men were landed. The ship continued her course on the evening of Feb. 25. But the captain in his anxiety for a quick pas- sage unfortunately kept so close to the shore that during the night the ship got among the rocks which line the coast. About three miles off Danger point at 2 o'clock in the morning of the 26th, while all except those on watch were sleeping peacefully in their ham- mocks, the ship struck with a violent shock. The bulk of the men on board were young soldiers. The rush of water on the Birkenhead striking was so great that most of the soldiers on the lower troop deck were drowned in their hammocks. The re- mainder, with all the officers, appeared on deck, many only partly dressed, and fell in as orderly and as quietly as on the barrack square. Calling the officers round him, Lieutenant Colonel Seton of the Seventy-fourth highlanders, the senior officer on board, impressed on them the necessity for preserving or- der and silence among the men. The services of the next senior, Captain Wright. Ninety-first highlanders, were placed at the disposal of the command- er of the ship to carry out whatever orders he might consider essentfaL Sixty men were pat on the chain pumps on the lower after deck and told off in three reliefs. Sixty more were put ou to the tackles of the pad- dle box boats, and the remainder were brought on to the poop to ease the fore part of the ship, as she was roll- ing heavily. The commander nest or- dered the officers' chargers to be pitch- ed out of the gangway. The plunging and terrified horses were got up and cast over, five of them managing to swim ashore. The cutter was then got ready for the women and children, who had been collected under the poop awning, and they were passed In one by one. There being room in the boat for one or two more, the order was given for any trumpeter or bugler boys to be taken. A young drummer standing near was told by an officer to get into the boat, but, drawing him- self up, exclaimed that he drew man's pay and would stick by his comrades. The cutter then shoved off in charge of one of the ship's officers, and the women and children were safe. No sooner was she clear than the entire bow of the vessel broke off at the foremast, the bowsprit going up in the air toward the foretopmast. The funnel also went over the side, ca.ry- Ing away the starboard paddle box and boat and crushing the men on the tackles. The paddle box boat capsized on being lowered, and the large boat in the center of the ship could not be got up. The men were then ordered on to the poop, where they stood calmly awaiting their fate. Within a few minutes the vessel broke in two, cross- wise, just abaft the engine room, and the stern began rapidly to fill. In this extremity the commander called out. ''Those who can swim jump overboard and make for the boats!" but the of- ficers begged the soldiers not to, as the boat with the women and children would be swamped. They were young menlit the prime of life, with all be- fore them, yet no one moved, nor did any alga of terror or fear escape them. Lower and lower sank the vessel into the deadly sea. The old transport shivered, gave a final plunge and dis- appeared, carrying with her the band of heroes on deck and those working below at the pumps. Men of all ages and ranks they were —the colonel and the drummer boy, of- ficers of gentle birth and men from the workshop, the plow and the mine, but all animated with the same heroic resolution, fortitude and chivalry—as cool as though they had been on their parade ground, with as much courage as in action in the field. A few man- aged to cling to the rigging of the mainmast, part of which remained out of water, while others got hold of float- ing pieces of wood and were eventually rescued, but of fourteen officers and 458 men no fewer than nine officers and 846 men perished, many falling prey to the attacks of the sharks, which surrounded the ship in shoals, waiting for their victims. Every wo- man and child was saved. Perhaps the greatest compliment ever paid to the memory of the brave was the order of the king of Prussia for the account of the wreck of the Blrken- ilsad to be .tread est three successive parades at the head of eiery regiment in his army, and it was spoken of in every school in Prussia and Germany. —London Globe. A CLERK'S BLUNDER. Its Effect Upon the Fortunes of Our Revolutionary War. The element of chance as exempli- fied in the blonder of a copyist had an Important bearing on the result of our war for independence. As is well knowu, the crisis of the military be- tween Great Britain and the revolting colonies was reaches when General Burgoyne's campaign was planned in London. The object was to strike a tremendous blow at the center of the Revolution. The British forces were to take possession of the Mohawk and Hudson valleys by a concentric march from Lake Champlain, Oswego and New York on converging lines toward Albany. The ascent of the Hudson by Sir William Ilowe's army was essen- tial to the success of a scheme by which New England was to be cut off as by a wedge from the southern colo- nies. Orders were sent out from Londoe for the advance of Burgoyne's and St Leger's forces from Canada. At first Sir William Howe was merely inform- ed of the plan and was armed with discretionary powers, but finally a dis- patch was drafted positively ordering him to co-operate in the movement from New York. A British clerk made a hasty and very careless copy of the dispatch, which the minister, Lord George Ger- maine, found great difficulty in read- ing. He angrily reprimanded the cul- prit and ordered a fresh copy to be made without flaw or erasure. Being pressed for time and anxious for a holiday, Lord George posted off to the country without waiting for the fresh copy. The military order was laboriously copied in the clerk's best hand, but when it was finished the Minister was not there to sign It. It was pigeon- holed and overlooked when he returned and was not sent to America until long afterward. Howe, being left with full discretion, allowed himself to be drawn into military operations against Wash- ington's army near Philadelphia. Bur- goyne's army was entrapped, cut off from retreat and forced to surrender at Saratoga. Thus the fortunes of the Revolution- ary war turned upon the carelessness of a British clerk.—Chicago Record - Herald. SOAP BUBBLES. How Some Pretty and Marveleue In- fects May Be Produced. There are degrees of skill in all pas- times, but one would hardly think that there were specialists In the art of blowing soap bubbles. An article in the Windsor Magazine by Meredith Nu- gent, however, shows that some very pretty and marvelous effects may be obtained by the exercise of care and patience with soap and water. The first step is to make a solution by rubbing pure white castile soap into a bowl partly filled with water until a lather bas been formed. Then remove every particle of lather, dip a clay pipe into the cleared solution and start to blow a bubble. If you can blow one six inches in di- ameter so that it wlll hang suspended from the pipe and will allow your fore- finger covered with the solution to be pushed through into the bubble with- out breaking, then the mixture is ready for use. Slx bubbles may be blown, one inside the other. This is performed by dip- ping the end of a straw in the soapy water and after resting -the wet end upon an inverted plate or sheet of glass, which should have been previ- ously wet with the solution, blow a bubble six Inches in diameter. Then dip the straw into the solution again, carefully thrust It through into the center of this first bubble and blow another. Continue In this manner until all the bubbles are in position. Great care must be taken that the straw is thoroughly wet with solution for fully. halt its length before each bdbble is blown. With practice ten or twelve bubbles may be placed inside of one another. No Tears Nor Hills. In the days when Rowley Hill was bishop of the Isle of Man one of his clergymen bearing the name of Tears came to say adieu to his bishop on getting preferment. The parson said: "Goodby, my lord. I hope we may meet again, but if not here In some better place." The bishop replied, "I fear the latter Is unlikely, as there are no Tears In heaven." "No doubt," wittily answered the par- son, "you are right that our chane of meeting is small, as one reads of the plains of paradise, but never of any Hills there."—London Queen. Australian Bushmen. Although the bushmen of Australia are the very lowest in the scale of ig- norance, they possess a rare instinct that equate that of many animals and is In its way as wonderful as man's reason. It is almost impossible for them to be loot Even if they be led away from their home blindfolded for miles, when released they will unerr- ingly turn in the right direction and make their way to their nest homes, and, though these are all very similar, they never make a mistake. In the philosophy of some men heav- en is nothing bat a place where every- body will be able to buy cheap and sell MO.—Chicago Record.Reraid. LEARNING TO SWIM. The Fat Man Who Was a Model of Patience and Pereeveranoe. Persistence in undertaking is a laud- able virtue, but It can be a bit over- done sometimes, as in a case described by Y. L. Molloy in "Our Autumn Holi- day on French Rivers." Mr. Molloy and his friends, longing for a good dive, went to a swimming school on an inland in the Seine. They donned their rented coetumee and were preparing for the plunge when a man with ropes cause along and insisted on tying them about their waists. It was according to police regulations, and, although they made an indignant protest, they were obliged to submit While we were dressing, says Mr. Molloy, we asked the two swimming musters for an extra towel "Pardon," they replied, "we must at- tend to our monsieur." Then we saw that there had come upon the platform a short and absurd- ly fat man dressed In bathing costume, swimming sandals and oiled cap. "Let's see him go in," said we. "What a splash he'll maker' The swimming masters received the new arrival at the middle of the plat- form. There he balanced himself on his stomach on a wooden stump two feet high. The masters seised blm by his hands and feet and with slow and deliberate movements made him strike out with the action of swimming. They kept this up for a quarter of an hour, and the perspiration rolled off him In great drops. "He'll be awfully hot to go into tbe water after that," said I. But he did not go Into the water. The swimming lesson over, he moved to- ward the dressing room, saying: "I have done better today." "Ah, yes," answered one of the mae- ters. "Your progress is admirable." The fat man beamed with complai- sance and went in to dress. I called the swimming masters aside. "Does 'our monsieur' practice otteu like that? He most have great perse- verance." "Perseverance! He bas worked Like this for five years, and he has never been in the water!" SIGN OF A BEATEN MAN. Runner Who Looks Behind Alined Sure to Lose the Rioe. "There are many more good distance runners now than la my days," said an old time champion after watching a three mile scratch race at the New York Athletic club games. "But the habits of the runners have not changed any, for 1 noticed one little trick in the race that bore the significance that used to attach to it. "To the casual onlooker there was nothing to choose between the two leaders when they were beginning the last quarter of a mile. Right from the crack of the pistol they were running almost stride for stride with the low, graceful, easy action of the real long distance runner. "Neither had called into use the re serve power which must be utilized to tho final sprint for victory when they turned into the stretch for the final lap. Then one of them slightly turned his head to see where the third man was, "'That man is beaten,' was th• thought which occurred to me at oue' and it proved true, as always. for whet the dash for the finish began he secs ed his rival to get a lead of five yard before going after him In earnest pur snit "From that point to the finish tinn was no perceptible difference to the speed of the meu, but the Ivan who had turned his head to make sure that he would get second place. Iuste_ d o: bending every energy to wlu, of couru• landed where his thoughts placed him"—New York Sun. The Gun Barrels Grew. In the early days In the northwest when the Hudson Bay company laid the foundations of groat fortunes by trade with the savages and a gun paid for as many beaver skins as would reach to the muzzle of It, the skins packed fiat and the gun held upright, It was alleg- ed that the barrel of the weapon grew and grew with each successive year until the Indian, after he bad bought It with the peltry, had to borrow a Ole and cut off a toot of useless metal. Dotnutle Bliss Wife—I have about made up my mind, John, that when I married you I married a fool Husband—That re- minds me of a remark yoo made just before we were married. You remem- ber that you said it would be bard to find two people mon alike than yoo and I. ens Was Safe. Little four-year-old Mabel was run- ning downhill, bolding her drew tight- ly. "Be careful," called her mother, "or you will fall." "Oh, no, I won't," replied Mabel. "'cause I'm holding tight to myself." Not What He Meant. Physician—Have you 107 aches or pains this morning? Patient—Yes, doctor; It hurts me to breathe—in fact. the only trouble now seems to be with my breath. Physician—All right I'll give you something that will won stop that! Forbearance. Bacon—Did you ever have any desire to go on the stage? EggbethOb, yea; only last week I did. Olt, the actor was vile! But I contented myself with shying as egg at biro,—Yookelts Ratio - num iliNdaaM+sa by lading llbyslslans and sk alsts FIVE GALUMET BAKING POWDER has obtained the confidence of the public. 1. It complies with the Pure Food Laws of all states. 2. It is the only high -trade Powder sold at a moderate prl 3. It is not made byaBaldng Powder Trust. 4. Food prepared with it is tree from Rochelle Salts or Alm. 5. It is the strongest Baking Powder on the market. 81.000.00 given for any substance InJurlousto health found In Calumet calumet Is so carefully and scientifically preDarei that the neutralisation of the feftradNets is absolutely perfect. There- fore *Met leaves no Rochelle Salts or Alum to tbe toed. It is chemically eorrell& All Greats are Aatwtdati le ilearaatss tats calumet Baking Powder costs tittle. Costs a little more thea the cheap, injurious powder& sow on the market. but it ts a big saving over the trust powders. Try Calumet J 1 One of Hook's Practical Jokes. Theodore Hook forged 4,000 letters to 4.000 tradesmen and others request- ing them to call on a certain day and hour at the house of a wealthy widow, Mrs. Tottenham, lit Berners street, London, against whom he had con- ceived a grudge. These people began to arrive soon after daybreak. The rush continued until nearly midnight They came by fifties and hundreds. There were 100 chimney sweeps, 100 bakers, fifty doctors, fifty dentists, fifty tccouchers. There were priests to ad- minister extreme unction and Metho- dist ministers to offer last prayers. There were fifty confectioners with wedding cakes, fifty undertakers with ro®tu, arty fishmongers with baskets of cod and lobsters. They pushed, quarreled and fought, and the police were called out to prevent a riot. Fi- nally among the hoaxed ones came the governor of the Bank of England, the royal Duke of Gloucester and the lord mayor of London, each lured thither by some cunning pretext. A police in- vestigation followed, but the perpetra for was not detected. A Wonderful Bowman. The Romans were very skillful bow- men, although they discarded the weap- on in warfare, trusting to' the charge and to band to hand fighting. Many of the Roman emperors were famous archers. It is said that Domitian would place boys In the circus at a consider- able distance from him and as they held up their hands with the fingers outstretched he would send the arrows between them with such nicety and ac- curacy of aim that he never inflicted a wound. The wicked emperor Commodus toasted that he never missed his aim or failed to kill the wild beast that he shot with a single arrow. He would set a shaft in his bow ae some wild beast was set tree in the circus to de- vour a living criminal condemned to die. Just when the furious animal was springing on his prey the emperor would strike It dead at the man's feet. Sometimes 100 lions were let loose at once In order that he, with 100 arrows, might kill them. With arrows the beads of which were semicircular he would sever the necks of ostriches in full flight A Talent For Balancing. The pleasant coffee room of the old Star and Garter at Richmond, which was burned down in 1869, was patron- ised by England's statesmen, politicians and writers. On Saturday evenings it was regularly visited by a middle aged gentleman of rather broad stature, with gray Bair and a large shirt collar which formed a conspicuous feature In Ms attire. He would dine always alone at a particular corner table, and after dinner it was bis humor to build up before him a pyramid of tumblers and wineglasses, which be topped with a decanter. Occasionally the whole structure would topple over and litter the table with its ruins. Then the mid- dle aged gentleman would rise, pay his bill, including the charge for broken glass, and depart The waiters knew him well He was Thomas Bab- Ington, Lord Maclulay. Curious Greetings. A French journal has been looking into the question of how different races express the colloquialism "How do you dor' and presents some curious exam- ples, The Koreans, for instance, do not give or imply any offense when they greet each other with the remark, "You do look old." Persians say, "May Allah preserve your beard and. cover It with benedictions." Among a tribe of Fiji !slanders the correct form of salutation L to pull one's ear. A Caro- line islander kneels before his friend, whose foot he grasps and slaps h1niself vigorously in the face with it. In the Sudan a traveler was addressed by a native chief as "Mighty sun," the said chief finishing up wltb "Glory to thee, O splendid moon," the remark being accentuated by expectorating in the traveler's right band. Wen a Smile. Attttactive Young Lady—I should like "The Wide. Wide World" Chivalrous Bookeefier—Were It mine, mise, I would willingly give it to you.—Petb- fsnder. I would not eater in my Bet of Meads a 'esus wbe needlessly tsets.foot woras,—Oewpee Flinty Plant Covers. - When Sir Humphry Davy was a boy about sixteen, a little girl came to him In great excitement: "Humphry, do tell me my these two pieces of cane make a tiny spark of light when i rub them together?' Humphry was a studious boy, who spent hours In thinking out scientific problems. He patted the child's curly head and said: "I do not know, dear. Let us see if they really do make a light, and then we will try to find out why." Humphry soon found that the little girl was right. The pieces of cane if rubbed together quickly did give a tiny light. Then he set to work to find out the reason, and after some time, thanks to the observing powers of his little friend and his own kindness to her inenot impatiently telling her not to "worry," as so many might have done, Humphry Davy made the first of his interesting discoveries. Every reed, cane and grass has an outer akin of flinty stuff, which protects the in- side from insects and also helps the frail looking leaves to stand upright. Table Manners In Old France. Could we restore for half an hour the dinner table of old France and obtain half a dozen instantaneous photo- graphs of a royal banquet at any era between the reigns of Francis I and Louis Ousterse such a "cataract of laughter" would be beard as might disturb the serenity of Louts in para- dise. The duchess, her napkin tied se- curely round her neck, would be seen mumbling a bone, the noble marquis surreptitiously scratching himself, the belle marquise, withdrawing her spoon from her lips to help a neighbor to sauce with !t, another fair creature scouring her plate with her bread, a gallant courtier using his doublet or the tablecloth as a towel for Isis fin- gers and two footmen holding a yard of damask under a lady's chin while she emptied her goblet at a draft. Dur- ing a feast of inordinate length it was sometimes necessary to substitute a clean cloth for the one which the care - lateness or bad manners of the guests had reduced to a deplorable condition. —"An Idler In Old France." The Midget Snakes. "I see by your paper," says a corre- spondent, "that you want to find a man who can tell a snake story with the sound of originality to it. Here it is: Nearly forty years ago in the woods of Indiana I captured three snakes, each less than three and one-fourth inches In length, a combined length of less than ten inches, a little Longer and a little larger in the middle than an old fashioned wool darning needle. Al- though these snakes were so small they would crawl around with their heads rap and dart out their tongues like larger snakes, I put these reptiles in an eight ounce bottle, and they bad plenty of room to crawl around on the bottom of it without crowding. These were not the kind of snakes generally seen In bottles, but genuine snakes., Among those who uw them was a minister of the gospel, and he had not been taking anything to make him see snakes either."—Emporia Gazette. The Pirates. The Chicago News fails to name the hero of thla story, but baa It that the visitor to the home of a well known Hoosier State author found his three youngsters romping in the hallway. "What are you playing, boys?" be inquired. "We are playing pirates," elucidated the smallest "Pirates? Why, bow can you play pirates in Indiana? There are no seas bordering on this state." "Oh, we don't need any seas. We are literary pirates, like pa." And five minutes later a chorus of yells from behind the barn told that the band that wields the pen can also wield the shingle. Feel and lege. The fool and his money are parted. not long did they stay 1a cahoots, but the fool 1s the cheeriest hearted and gladdest of human ;galoota His neigh- bor 1s better and wiser, six figures might tell what bees worth. but, oh, bow folks wish the old miser would tan off tbs edge of the earth-Empos/t Os' setts. Nothing premise both* * tau 1#! THE HUMAN TONGUE. Flying Fish. At one time it ens widely credited that dying fish possessed the power to accelerate their passage through the elr by liapplug their "wings," as their enormously elongated pectoral fins are sometimes called. Had this been prov- ed these fish would have actually shar- ed with bats, birds and insects a pow- er which has been denied to all other tiring creatures. But men of science are now agreed that the motion of the fins sometimes seen when the fish leaves the water is merely a coutinua- tion of its swimming movement and in no way alda the passage of the fish through the air. The method of the fish's flight is this: It rushes through the water at high speed, hurls itself lute the atmosphere and, spreading its huge winglike flus, glides rapidly for- ward orward until its momentum is exhausted. Then it drops back again into the wa- ter. So great is the impetus gained that these. flab under favorable condi- tions will "fly" for a distauce of 500 feet But when once the impetus is exhausted the fish is quite unable to sustain itself in the air by muscular effort.—Scientific American. It 1• Very Inquisitive, With • Strong Will of Its Own. The curiosity of the tongue does not cause the human being so much trou- ble as the curiosity of the eye, but the tongue, within its Limits, is the most curious of all. Let the dentist make a change In the mouth, let him remove a tooth or re- place with his admirable artifice one that has long been absent, let biro change the form of a tooth by round- ing off a corner or building up a cavity, and see what the tougue will do. It will search out that place, taking care- ful and minute account of the change. Then if will linger near the place. If 1t is called to other duties, it comes back as soon ae they are discharged and feels the changed place all over again, as if it had not explored and rummaged there already. It makes no difference that these re- peated investigations presently cause annoyance to its supposed master, the man. The tongue In nothing more than in this matter proves that it is au unruly member and will not be con- trolled. It seems to have an original will and consciousness of it own, and nothing will serve it except the fullest satisfac- tion of its curiosity. It will wear itself out, perhaps, but it will find out all about the strange change. — Boston Transcript. CANES IN SPAIN. ' Sem* of the Natives Have a Small Arsenal of Them. Every Spaniard has a stick, the well to do own several, and the "gilded youth" often has a small arsenal of them. The term arsenal in this case is used positively and not figuratively, as the Porto Ricans, like the Spaniards, have quite a craze for sword canes and dagger canes, and they make these with remarkable skill. The blades of the finer specimens come from famous smiths in Toledo and other Spanish cities and are forged from the finest steel. Some are dam- ascened and others are inlaid with di- ver and gold, some have worked upon them the name of the owner and oth- ers the name of a patron saint The assortment of walking sticks in the shops in the larger towns Is very varied. They have fashions in sticks and canes suited to different ages and pro- fessions. There are sedate mahogany, ebony and rosewood sticks for clergy- men and physicians and fanciful bam- boos with gleaming steel inside for men about town. There are rough oak- en sticks for the Spanish Angtomenl- ace and saucy little staves for tbose who ape the styles of the boulevard. For travelers there are coffee sticks, thorns, tea sticks, leopard wood canes and orange sticks.—London Chronicle. A Sermon In Rhyme. An English sporting parson who wished to shorten the Sunday morn- ing's service so that be might join some kindred spirits delivered the briefest and meatiest sermon on rec- ord. "Dearly beloved," be said. "the subject of our discourse this morning is 'Life.' I shall divide It into three parts and a conclusion—first, man's in- gress to the world; second, man's prog- ress through the world; third, man's egress from the world, and, to con- clude, man's life after departure: "Man's Ingress to lite is naked and bare. )Ma's progreu through lite is trouble and care. Man's egress from lite Is nobody knows where. If we do well here, we will do well there. I could tell you no mon It I preached • whole year." —Boston Post Funerals In Peru. According to social usage, women in Peru cannot attend funerals, and they do not appear at weddings unless they are very intimate friends. When a funeral procession passes through the streets the covin is carried upon the shoulders of the pallbearers, who are followed by an empty hearse drawn by two, four or six boraes, according to the means of the mourners and their desire for display. All the male mem- bers of the family and friends of the deceased follow on foot, with a line of empty carriages behind them. As long as they are In the presence of the dead It is considered a proper and necessary evidence of respect to walk. After the body has been committed to the grave those who attend the funeral are brought home in carriages. He Followed the Water. "Could you do something for a poor old sailor?" eked a wanderer at the rear door of a suburban house one morning recently. "Poor old sailor!" echoed the house- wife, wbo had opened the door. "Teem. I followed the water for twenty years." "Well," said the lady as she slammed the door in the face of her unwelcome vWtor, "all I've got to say is you cer- tainly don't look as though you had ever aught it"—London Answers. `Alexandria, Egypt." All correspondents with Egypt in all parts of the world should be warned that it is necessary to pet the word "Egypt" on all communications ad- dressed to Alexandria. as a great deal of trouble and annoyance hu been caused owing to communications ad- dressed to the Egyptian city being de- livered to Scotland, Canada, New South Wales, Cape Colony, Italy, the Gaited Rata of America sed other eoelatrlss when towns of the sans aamss.eodat+r Where the Joke Lay. lie was an Englishman, taking a trip on a Welsh excursion steamboat, and be was watching a group of Welsh col- liers larking with one another, when they suddenly seized one of their com- panions and swung him to and fro. The victim shrieked in terror as the ringleader shouted: "Now, boys, overboard with '!m r" So real was the horror of the collier that the Englishman jumped up and interfered successfully. The collier picked himself up and backed to a safe seat next the Englishman, who sternly reproved him for uttering such nerve shattering cries. "It was only a joke, and you must hare known it," he said. The collier wiped his forehead. "Iss, I knowed famous it wass a joke," he retorted, "an' that's why I did screech blue murrdurr. Eu don't know the boys. surr. The joke with them wags to chuck me overboard. Thank en kindly forr stoppin' 'em!!"—Pear- son's Weekly. Didn't Want to Telt. The late Professor Greene, author of Greene's Analysts and the English Grammar with which so many have wrestled in their school days, was ono of the most genial and fatherly of men. During the later yearn of his life he was professor of mathematics and as- tronomy in a New England college. There was in one of his classes a some- what slow witted though studious young man, whom we will call Jones. On n certain occasion after Jones had repeated carefully the text book state- ments about the effects of the motions of the earth and was trying to remem- ber what came next in the book the professor interposed with: "Were you ever In the shadow of the earth, Mr. Jones?" Jones (slowly)—No, sir. Professor—Where do you spend your nights, sir? Jones didn't want to tell.—Univer- sallst Leader. Banquets In Elizabeth's Time. In Queen Elizabeth's time tbo first course of a banquet is given as wheat- en flummery, stewed broth or spinach broth, or amallage, gruel or botch pot. The second consisted of fish, among which are lampreys, poor John, stock- fish and sturgeon, with side dishes of porpoise. The third course comprised quaking puddings, black puddings, bag puddings. whits puddings and marrow puddings. Then came veal, beef, ca- pons, humble pie, mutton, marrow pas- ties, Scotch collops, wild fowl and game. In the fifth course alt kinds of sweets, creams in all their varieties, custards, cheese cakes, jellies, warden pies, Buckets, sllllbubs and so on, to be followed perhaps by white cheese and tansy cake; for drinks, ale, beer, wine, sack and numerous varieties of mead or metheglin.—New York Trib- une. Chamois Maker Is a Magician. Most everybody uses chamois, and everybody imagines it comes from the graceful goats of the Swiss Alps, but 1t doesn't. It really bails from the cavernous depths of tanneries of Pea- body, in New England. Peabody tan- ners mnke beautiful leathers of sheep pelts. The chamois maker is a magi - clan of the leather trade. To his door be draws sheepskins from the great ranches of Montana or their possible future rivals ou the plains of Siberia, the pampas of Argentina or tho fields of Australia. Mary's little lamb, mas- querading as brave Swiss chamois, has a wonderful career. Natural Anxiety. A very talkative little boy was al- lowed to accompany his father to a friend's house on the understanding that he should not speak until some- body asked him a question. He re- mained silent for half an hour. "Fa- ther," he then murmured, "when are they going to begin asking me ques- tioner She Speaks Out. "You aren't earning very much." "But, my darling, two can live as cheaply as one." "I don't yearn to live cheaply, young man."—St. Louis Republic. Very Sharp. Teacher—Now, Johnny, 1f the earth were empty on the inside, what could we compare 1t to? Johnny—A razor, ma'am. Teacher --A raver? Johnny- taa'ao1; because it would be ttoi- e.